reclaim your shame

I know it's all cute and funny, this carrying on. but I think even if sober I would want to get drunk and smooch you. I think I have a crush. are u grossed out?

great news, special reader! this is my first friend-submitted post which is fantastic for three reasons. 1. my lovely and hilarious friend, YYY, did something retarded and humiliating enough to merit posting here. 2. she's letting me post it. 3. for once in my life it wasn't me who did the retarded and humiliating thing. horray!

what happened? a girl of many charms, YYY has been seeing a new gentleman named Matt. the two had been texting for days--nauseatingly lovey messages she horribly forced me to read. (and yes, texts count as e-mails, so let's not get into the whole title thing, okay?)

the point is, when manpanion Matt wrote thanking her for a "smooth week" it seemed kind of weak. and being a lady after my own heart (see below) she called him out on his wishy-washy message (see above) and boldly pressed send. bravo, YYY!

but then she looked at the "smooth week" business again.
it wasn't from the manpanion Matt.
it was from the co-worker Matt.
as in her boss Matt. who she'd been working with for about 2 weeks. oops!

the brave YYY had to call boss Matt (who, of course, was out with all his friends who, of course, were laughing hysterically at her) and explain. boss Matt told her he was a bit "freaked" as they "had to work together and all" and was "relieved" to hear it was a "mix-up." did he believe her? maybe. will his friends always laugh at her? definitely.

but wait, there's more! when I'd copied the text into this vortex of mortification did she close it? No! She pressed SEND again! double shame for YYY! well played, sweetheart!

you may think I'm a jerk for making YYY relive the awkwardness, but I did it for you, dear reader. for your amusement and mine and most importantly, for her's. I mean, if everyone else is laughing at you, you're just going to look like even more of an asshole if you can't join in. really, the only way to overcome such stupidity is to reclaim your shame.

I promise you, one day you'll send an e-mail you never should have sent. double checking and self-editing and social savviness will not save you. YYY is as savvy as they come and look what happened to her. but at least you can remember this and know you're not the only one. hopefully that will take the edge off the unbelievable shame you'll be feeling long enough for you to call your bff and wail and cry and eventually laugh about what a screw-up you really are. because darling reader, if you can't find the humor in disaster, your life is going to be pretty fucking rough.

happy typing!